It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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