Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
