KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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