i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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