also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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