eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
