yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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