Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i wish my penis had a tongue
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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