gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
