his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
