Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
