im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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