But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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