At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
