are you still at the devil's house?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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