A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
