i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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