smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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