i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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