We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize