I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
