we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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