all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
