Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
