i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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