he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
