there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
