I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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