I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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