I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
