I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
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