He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The power of my boobs compel you
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
