Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
