i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
