the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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