it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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