there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He passed out mid-signature
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
