I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
