We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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