Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
