Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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