I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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