do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
