In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
