it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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