You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
