Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just invented taco cereal.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
