I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
