it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
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Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
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Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!