We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs