absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize