Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize