Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My bed smells like the plague
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
