All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
