dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
