loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize