If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
