I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
