he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
