Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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