You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
