Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I need water and some morals
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
