I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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