Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
how does that bad decision feel?
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