Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
