I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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