i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
