I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
