I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
