Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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