So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
smell my finger.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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