I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
