I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
