All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
