I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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