I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
