I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
this just has baby written all over it
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
