Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
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i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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