I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
